Cultivating Life-Giving Relationships: The Secret Sauce

In our journey through life, relationships form the foundation of our experiences. Whether with family, friends, coworkers, or neighbors, the quality of our relationships significantly impacts our joy and well-being. But what’s the secret to building and maintaining healthy relationships, especially with those who are difficult to love?

What is the secret to healthy relationships?

The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Philippians, reveals three powerful relational rhythms that can transform any relationship. These rhythms are easy to understand but require intentional practice to implement effectively.

Rhythm #1: Be Grateful for Them

“Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.” – Philippians 1:3

There’s a direct connection between gratitude and joy. The more grateful we are, the more joy we experience in our lives. When we cultivate an attitude of gratitude toward the people in our lives, our relationships flourish. Unfortunately, human nature tends to work against us in this area. The longer we know someone, the more we take them for granted. We begin focusing on the negative aspects rather than the positive ones. As humans, we naturally remember negative experiences more vividly than positive ones. This is why being intentional about gratitude is so crucial. When we stop appreciating people, we start depreciating them, and our relationships begin to deteriorate. Developing a habit of gratitude can revolutionize how we relate to others.

Rhythm #2: Pray for Them

“Whenever I pray, I make my request for all of you with joy.” – Philippians 1:4

Think about someone who irritates you. When was the last time you prayed for that person? Not a “God, fix them” prayer, but a genuine prayer for their wellbeing? The quickest way to improve a challenging relationship is to begin praying for the other person. While prayer may not always change them, it will certainly change you. Our attitudes, hearts, and spirits transform when we consistently pray for others. Paul gives us four specific things to pray for people in Philippians 1:9-11:

Pray that they will grow in love – “I pray that your love will overflow more and more”
Pray that they’ll make wise choices – “keep on growing in knowledge and understanding”
Pray that they will live with integrity – “live pure and blameless lives”
Pray that they’ll become more like Jesus – “filled with the fruit of your salvation, the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ”

These four prayer points can be applied to anyone in your life – your spouse, children, friends, coworkers, leaders, and even yourself.

Rhythm #3: Believe in Them

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” – Philippians 1:6

Paul expresses confidence that God is still at work in the lives of the Philippians and will bring to completion what He started. This attitude of believing in others is transformative. Four simple words can revolutionize any relationship: “I believe in you.” These words are powerful regardless of age or circumstance. Parents, your children need to hear this repeatedly, even when they’re adults. You don’t have to agree with all their choices to believe in their potential and worth.

How does God view our relationships?

God models these relational rhythms perfectly. He is grateful for us, prays for us (Romans 8:26-27), and believes in us. Even when we feel unworthy or have drifted away from Him, God says, “I believe in you.” The good work that God has begun in you, He will bring to completion. This isn’t dependent on your performance but on His faithfulness. God believes in the potential He placed within you, and He’s committed to developing it fully.

Life Application

This week, challenge yourself to implement these three relational rhythms:

Practice gratitude daily: Identify one person each day and write down three things you appreciate about them. Consider sharing your gratitude directly with them.

Commit to prayer: Choose someone who is difficult to love and pray for them using Paul’s four prayer points. Do this consistently for one week and notice how your attitude toward them changes.

Express belief: Tell at least one person in your life, “I believe in you,” and be specific about what you see in them that gives you confidence.

Ask yourself:

Who in my life have I been taking for granted, and how can I express gratitude for them today?
Which challenging relationship might be transformed if I committed to praying for that person regularly?
Who needs to hear “I believe in you” from me this week?
How might my relationships change if I consistently practiced these three rhythms?

Remember, these relational rhythms aren’t just good advice—they reflect God’s heart toward us and provide a pathway to experience the joy and fulfillment that come from healthy, life-giving relationships.

This series may be taken as a course offered by the Online Bible Institute. For more information check out the Keys Vineyard Ministries Courses page.

Steve Lawes is a Church Consultant and also provides coaching for pastors, churches, ministries and church planters.